Last year was terrible for me, but I still don't feel this bad as now. Maybe physical illness will never be as bad as emotional turmoil. My heart has switched to an ultimate sian mode at this point of time. I can only say army has made me mature a lot and in a very short time, I still remember February this year, I am still having some childish mentality when events after events has woke me up violently, maybe it is God's way of preparing me for the age 21, an age when someone is deemed to be mature. But it seems all these problems, human relationships, uncertainty in life, problems after problems in my circle of life has made me into an angry person. I start to hate seeing things going in the wrong way. I am never going to go back to that childish and always happy "Jie Ge Ge", (Now I realise what a disgusting nickname it is, by the way) or whatsoever anymore. I feel numbness in my heart and it has been there for few months. I just cannot be happy.

Anyway, quarrantine is over, I was like a jail bird for the past 9 days. And we have shitty schedule coming up because of H1N1. And people please, if you come back from affected countries, please zi dong yi dian, go quarrantine yourself at home for 7 days, PLEASE! Its not a joke or something that you can throw away from your brain! Innocent people like us is also affected, so have some social responsibility, PLEASE!

Oh, and on a lighter mode, this is the movie I have been anticipating since 2 years ago.



HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF BLOOD PRINCE!!! *CHEERS*

Out on July 16, but I can only watch after 28. Haiz... Qi dai qi dai!!!

You are so fickled with the word "sincerity", you have long lost my trust, so you should be the last one to even comment on anything so please shut up...

很多人说，当兵会改变一个人，对，说得没错，至少它让我挥别了童真与懵懂，也让我看清原来人与人之间的关系是这么脆弱的。我悄悄的隐退（这不是刻意的），竟没人发现，也没有人在意，证明我在那我曾天真以为是天堂的大家庭里面所建立大部分的那些友情是扎不实的根，甚至只是一些吃喝玩乐的朋友。当我需要安慰的时候，伸出双手竟摸不着任何东西，很想大声呐喊，让人注意到我其实还存在，但又何必呢，大家把你忘了就是忘了，当我出现时才说声Hi, 太假了吧，让我难过的是，我在那大家庭里呆了那么久，现在才来觉醒，发现原来在那里想找个比较了解你的人几乎没一个，一切都流于表面，好假，假到痹。大家可以说我怎么不反省，我就是看不到我那里做错了，我做人和交朋友都讲真心，甚至有时还觉得被 take for granted, 但我得不到一样的回应，我心中有很多愤怒和失望，要我怎样参加接下来的“复兴”活动，我也不怕得罪谁了，反正我不会像以前那样投入，应该伤不了我多少吧。我一定要说出来，不让会憋死的。

最近还看到让我觉得恶心的事，这位朋友，你如果不想帮人就干脆说不想帮，没人勉强你，但你何必要假惺惺的答应了在找个烂借口临时退出，如果你觉得你没错的话，那你的 priority 观念一定出了很大的问题，这就是你表现对弟兄姐妹的爱吗？有得玩就预你一份，不然需要付出的最好别找你。你的行为，你以为没有影响力吗？至少你已让我对这大家庭的失望加多了一层。

我说这些不为了什么，我是挣扎了很久才决定写了这篇文章，我不是想挽救任何事才写的，毕竟大家已回不去当初的感觉。

当然，这段时间让我了解一些存在边缘人的感受，我看到一些真心之人，但我需要时间疗伤，希望你们了解。